Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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