No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
