the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
