After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
