just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
