Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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