Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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