Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
