Christians are straight up FREAKS
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
