Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
