3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
