the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's the barista slut.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
