I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
