I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
