I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
