So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
