He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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