i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
