You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
