We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize