I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
