best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
