Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
