if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
