too bad you live with your parents still
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize