Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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