in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize