You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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