Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
