Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
