highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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