i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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