Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
