dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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