Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
