Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
