My sheets look like a crime scene.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
