Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
wanna go halves on a baby?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
