Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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