he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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