You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
