so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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