just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When are your genitals available?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had to cum in my sink.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize