If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
