Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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