Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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