sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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