If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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