I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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