I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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