wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
