had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
