yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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