Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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