Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
