i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize