shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
