Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
