Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
