she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
