GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
