You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
