you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
