I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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