she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
