White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
