dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
