around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
