I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
