My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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