if only i could text you this smell
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
