I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
