Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
