I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
