Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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